What I want people to know.

Hi readers,

A lot of the time, I find myself thinking things but not sharing them with others in fear of offending them, or quite frankly I don’t want to depress them. I don’t want people to think I don’t want their help or support, or their company. But sometimes, I literally can’t handle life and these are some of the thoughts that I have. I understand that these will probably come off as very selfish or rude, and I don’t mean to think them but the reality is I do, and I thought it was time that I finally share them.

How am I? You know, I’m not really sure if I’m ever okay anymore, but yeah I’m fine…thanks for asking.

Please stop complaining about your life, it’s literally so easy in comparison to what I’ve been through.You don’t know stress and anxiety like I know it.

Thanks for asking about my family, I do really appreciate it, but I also wish you’d ask me how I’m making out. I was affected by this tragedy as much as they were.

Please, PLEASE stop talking about how wonderful your dad is because he does all of these things for you. I don’t get to have that anymore.

I’m sorry that I’m not as excited about this as you are, I’m literally just not feeling it lately.

Please, do not shout at me. My nerves can’t handle it. Even if you’re just shouting because you’re hyper or having fun, I can’t handle it and it makes me want to be more quiet and stop socializing.

Thank-you for dumping all of your problems on me, and never asking about mine.

Also, I’m sorry that I can’t be a good friend. I’m trying to focus on making myself better before trying to fix someone else. I will always be here for you and listen to you, but I can’t promise to be perfect at it.

God is good all the time? To be frank, I’m not sure that I can believe that anymore. Something good will come out of this tragedy? I honestly could care less, something good could’ve come out of something else, God didn’t need to take my dad.

I know this is an awkward subject, and you literally don’t know what to say. But please, just let me know that you’re always going to be there. That’s all I need.

I’m sorry, I just need to take today off. My brain is not in the right state to do anything.

Stop telling me to smile more, sometimes I literally feel like I can’t.

How can you tell me I need to learn how to handle my stress? I have so much of it constantly, every day, and I need to be able to know how to deal with all of it??? Yeah right!

Well, after writing those out I’ve realized for the first time that I do have quite a bit of anger. I’ve always just thought depression/sadness is what I’ve been dealing with through this journey. I honestly don’t mean to actually think these things, but I guess they just come with the circumstances I’m in. If I know you and you’re reading this, please don’t read too much into this. I need you to know that I’m not mad or angry directly at you, I think I’m more mad at my circumstances and it makes me think these things.

Have you ever felt the same way in your circumstances? Let me know, it’d be nice to know I’m not alone.

Not going to lie, writing this post made me feel a lot better. Thanks for listening,

Makayla, xo

 

 

My Dad.

I want my readers to fully understand who my father was, so here goes.

My dad was all sorts of wonderful. He had one of the brightest smiles I’ve ever seen. His bellowing laughter could be heard loud and clear and it was contagious. He teased like there was no tomorrow, and would expect it right back. He had a silly personality and loved life.

He was a bit of a nerd. Star Wars was his most favorite thing in the world, and he was so excited about all of the upcoming movies. He also loved all superheroes, I’m not even sure if he had a favorite one… He also loved things like Star Trek, Lord of the Rings, etc. I used to ask my Dad questions about these things all the time, one, because I was genuinely curious, but also because I just loved listening to him talk about something he knew so much about and was so excited about.

My dad loved the outdoors. He loved to garden, fish, have campfires and just to be outside.

He literally never cared what anyone else thought of him (in the best and most freeing way possible). I’m pretty sure my father could never feel embarrassment. He was confident and lived life to its fullest. I always admired him for that and always strive to be like him in that way.

My dad was a hard worker. He loved his job, no matter what it brought to the table. He was admired and respected by his co-workers and bosses. He made changes for the better in the way things worked at the company. He was passionate about his job, regardless of the fact that it wasn’t the greatest or highest paying job around.

My dad was a really good husband. He loved my mom like nothing I’ve ever seen before. He was romantic and always got her little surprises, he was forgiving and understanding. He supported her in everything, and was by her side through everything life has thrown at our family.

My dad was also a really good dad. He taught me how to have a firm handshake, how to punch properly, all of the rules of football, how to laugh at myself, how to not care what anyone else thinks, how to be independent, and how to be confident in myself…among many other things!

Dad was the person I confided in the most. He gave the best advice because he didn’t beat around the bush, he told things like they were. I could talk to him about anything and I knew he’d be there to help or just listen. He supported everything I ever did and I knew how proud he was of my accomplishments.

I’m incredibly thankful for the 18 years I got to spend with my dad. Of course, it is so unfair that that’s all I got but I’m blessed to have even gotten that.

I hope you enjoyed learning a little bit about what I loved most about my dad❤️

Love, Makayla xo

 

 

 

 

 

 

Introduction

Joshua 1:9 – “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Hello reader!

Welcome to my blog! Make sure you check out the “about” link because this first post will make a lot more sense.

So yeah, I’m Makayla. All the fun stuff about me is in the about thing, and you have now read that the main purpose of this blog is to talk about how I’m dealing with my grief after losing my dad in 2016. I’m not really here to discuss details of how he passed away, but all you need to know is it was very sudden and shocking.

Life has not been the same since then, I can tell you that. Life is what I like to call an emotional roller coaster. I’ve had lots of support and I’ve been to counselling lots since. One thing my amazing counselor told me to do was to journal all of my feelings. I thought this wouldn’t be a problem for me because I LOVE to write! But I’ve been finding it difficult to sit down and write lately (university is kind of time consuming). I’m hoping this blog will encourage me to make it a priority and write more, because it really does help me cope.

I hope that you stick around to hear some of what I’ve got to say. I promise it won’t all be depressing, I’ll try to be happy and funny sometimes too! But mostly I hope that I can show you that both strength and courage are possible even through the most difficult times in your life. If you’re going through the loss of a loved one, maybe this will make you feel like you’re not alone. If you have a friend who is going through a similar situation, maybe this will help you understand how to deal with them and help them through their situation. Or, maybe this blog will just inspire you to be strong and courageous through the storms in your life. I hope it at least does one of the above!

My plan is write at least once a week. It might be more or it might be less, we’ll see. I can tell you my first post will probably be about my dad and who he was as a person…I’ve been wanting to write something like this for a long time but it’s kind of hard. But I want you all to know how lovely my father was – so stay tuned! Here’s to trying new things and taking time to help yourself!

Lots of love,

Makayla