What I want people to know.

Hi readers,

A lot of the time, I find myself thinking things but not sharing them with others in fear of offending them, or quite frankly I don’t want to depress them. I don’t want people to think I don’t want their help or support, or their company. But sometimes, I literally can’t handle life and these are some of the thoughts that I have. I understand that these will probably come off as very selfish or rude, and I don’t mean to think them but the reality is I do, and I thought it was time that I finally share them.

How am I? You know, I’m not really sure if I’m ever okay anymore, but yeah I’m fine…thanks for asking.

Please stop complaining about your life, it’s literally so easy in comparison to what I’ve been through.You don’t know stress and anxiety like I know it.

Thanks for asking about my family, I do really appreciate it, but I also wish you’d ask me how I’m making out. I was affected by this tragedy as much as they were.

Please, PLEASE stop talking about how wonderful your dad is because he does all of these things for you. I don’t get to have that anymore.

I’m sorry that I’m not as excited about this as you are, I’m literally just not feeling it lately.

Please, do not shout at me. My nerves can’t handle it. Even if you’re just shouting because you’re hyper or having fun, I can’t handle it and it makes me want to be more quiet and stop socializing.

Thank-you for dumping all of your problems on me, and never asking about mine.

Also, I’m sorry that I can’t be a good friend. I’m trying to focus on making myself better before trying to fix someone else. I will always be here for you and listen to you, but I can’t promise to be perfect at it.

God is good all the time? To be frank, I’m not sure that I can believe that anymore. Something good will come out of this tragedy? I honestly could care less, something good could’ve come out of something else, God didn’t need to take my dad.

I know this is an awkward subject, and you literally don’t know what to say. But please, just let me know that you’re always going to be there. That’s all I need.

I’m sorry, I just need to take today off. My brain is not in the right state to do anything.

Stop telling me to smile more, sometimes I literally feel like I can’t.

How can you tell me I need to learn how to handle my stress? I have so much of it constantly, every day, and I need to be able to know how to deal with all of it??? Yeah right!

Well, after writing those out I’ve realized for the first time that I do have quite a bit of anger. I’ve always just thought depression/sadness is what I’ve been dealing with through this journey. I honestly don’t mean to actually think these things, but I guess they just come with the circumstances I’m in. If I know you and you’re reading this, please don’t read too much into this. I need you to know that I’m not mad or angry directly at you, I think I’m more mad at my circumstances and it makes me think these things.

Have you ever felt the same way in your circumstances? Let me know, it’d be nice to know I’m not alone.

Not going to lie, writing this post made me feel a lot better. Thanks for listening,

Makayla, xo

 

 

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2 comments

  1. rjlboom · March 27

    As I was reading this, I thought to myself that it must feel good for you to get this out. I’m glad it did feel that way!

    You are definitely not alone, everyone has thoughts they may feel are selfish or better left unsaid. Maybe they are, but we are after all human.

    I’m happy you were able to find an outlet.

    Like

    • Makayla · March 27

      Thanks so much for your comment! ☺️

      Liked by 1 person

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