First of all, the picture of the waves on the beach will make sense after, but I also just desperately want to go to the beach. Secondly, I promised this blog wouldn’t all be depressing but this one is going to be…
Last night, I had a bad night. Truthfully, I find myself having more and more of these nights lately. They’re scary honestly, because everything just kind of hits me like a brick wall. Everything that I ignored during the day suddenly is the only thing I can think about, and I can’t shut my mind off no matter how hard I try.
The last time I was at counselling (which was a while ago, I’ve got to get back…) I asked my counselor how to give my mind some peace, and she gave me some tools. They were basically to do something that I enjoy right before bed, and I said the best thing would probably be to listen to music. Although I have found this has helped a bit, I’m still finding my mind is full of thoughts when it’s time for me to fall asleep.
All of these thoughts I’m having, remembering what has happened, cause my anxiety to rise quite quickly, and then come the water works. Honestly, panic attacks happen often. It’s hard to breathe, think, see and it’s scary. Once I can finally calm down, my body feels completely numb. Of course, this makes it easier to fall asleep because I’m so exhausted LOL. I’ve never had panic attacks before just recently, and I’m slowly learning how to deal with them. I think the biggest thing I’m learning is to not avoid them; I need to let them happen as they come and work through it.
What they say is absolutely true – grief comes in waves, and mine just seem to happen when I lay down to go to sleep. If you could/want to, pray for me to have some peace in my mind and to have some restful sleep!
Blessings, Makayla xoxo